A polished venue, great value… with a few very real practical headaches
Our 7th official Curry Club visit in the UK took us to Jumaira, tucked away in the Woodlands of South Yorkshire. This one came in strong — classy, welcoming, and seriously good value — but it wasn’t without its flaws. And yes, we absolutely counted those flaws in the scores. Fair is fair. 😌
There were 7 of us this time. Oliver rejoined the fold (controversially), while Mini couldn’t make it. Spirits were high, appetites higher, and expectations… well, they were mostly met.
🏛️ First Impressions & Atmosphere
Let’s get this out of the way first: Jumaira looks fantastic.
From the moment you walk in, everything feels intentional. The doors, the décor, the lighting — it all screams “we care about presentation”. This is a big venue, and it wears that size well. It feels premium without being pretentious, polished without being sterile.
Service matched the surroundings too. Staff were friendly, attentive, and efficient without hovering. Drinks arrived quickly, orders were spot-on, and nothing felt rushed. Exactly how you want it.
➡️ Service score reflected this consistency and professionalism.
🍽️ The Food – Quality vs Heat
The food itself was very good across the board. Presentation was spot-on, portions were generous, and everything arrived looking exactly how you’d hope.
That said… 🔥 the vindaloo let us down.
Two of us ordered it, both expecting pain, regret, and at least one life decision to be questioned. Instead? Tasty, yes — but not hot enough. If you’re advertising a vindaloo, it needs to bite back. This one politely tapped us on the shoulder instead.
Everything else held up well, and nothing was poorly cooked — it just didn’t push boundaries where we wanted it to.
➡️ Taste and Menu Choice scores took a hit here, purely on spice expectations not being met.
💷 Value for Money – Honestly Excellent
Here’s where Jumaira really shines.
A vindaloo meal pack + two drinks for just under £36 is borderline ridiculous value these days — and that price included:
- Poppadoms & pickle trays
- Sizzling starters (Sikh Kebab)
- Main courses
- Rice & naans
For the quality, quantity, and setting? That’s LOVELY. 💸❤️
Value absolutely carried this visit upward in the overall scoring.
➡️ Value for Money scored strongly and deservedly so.
🚗 Accessibility & Practical Issues (These Matter)
Now for the part that could have dragged scores down — and rightly so.
🚻 Toilets
They look amazing… but getting to them is a mission:
- Very narrow stairs
- A tight corner
- A low ceiling corridor where you must duck
With an injury, this was genuinely difficult to navigate. Exceedingly stylish doesn’t excuse impracticality.
🚘 Parking
Bluntly? Awful.
For a restaurant this big, the car park is stupidly too small. All four cars had to be dumped in a lay-by on an A-road, which is far from ideal and honestly pretty unacceptable.
➡️ These factors directly impacted our overall experience, if we counted these factors in the scores. This restaraunt would not have scored so high.
📊 Jumaira – Category Scores
Here’s how everything landed once the spreadsheets had their say 📈
- Menu Choice: 7.80
- Service: 8.00
- Taste: 7.71
- Drinks: 6.95
- Value for Money: 8.27
⭐ Overall Combined Score: 7.78
A very solid result — dragged down slightly by heat levels, but lifted nicely by value, service, and presentation.
🧮 Individual Curry Club Scores
Because spreadsheets don’t lie and neither do strong opinions:
Hamish
- Menu Choice: 7.7
- Service: 7.0
- Taste: 8.2
- Drinks: 6.7
- Value for Money: 7.0
Louis
- Menu Choice: 8.0
- Service: 8.0
- Taste: 8.7
- Drinks: 7.0
- Value for Money: 8.0
Damon
- Menu Choice: 8.0
- Service: 8.0
- Taste: 6.0
- Drinks: 7.0
- Value for Money: 9.3
Curt
- Menu Choice: 8.5
- Service: 8.0
- Taste: 9.0
- Drinks: 6.0
- Value for Money: 8.0
Oliver (“Fingers”)
- Menu Choice: 7.0
- Service: 9.0
- Taste: 6.0
- Drinks: 8.0
- Value for Money: 9.0
Luke
- Menu Choice: 8.0
- Service: 7.7
- Taste: 8.7
- Drinks: 6.0
- Value for Money: 8.5
Jack
- Menu Choice: 7.9
- Service: 8.9
- Taste: 7.4
- Drinks: 8.0
- Value for Money: 8.1
🏆 Curry Club Awards – January Edition
👑 Currier of the Month: LOUIS
Louis ran away with this one — 4 votes, no contest.
Why?
- Always dressed for the occasion
- Brings consistently good vibes
- Always a laugh
- Suspender game remains undefeated
“Consistently a good time, always a laugh.”
“Louis. Always a great time.”
A deserved win. 👏
💀 Curry C*NT of the Month: OLIVER
This one was… emphatic.
Oliver racked up a whopping 5 votes, and the group was not subtle about it.
Reasons ranged from:
- “Not on form. Pathetic.”
- Eating awkwardly when a bowl would’ve solved everything
- General disappointment
- Existing (apparently)
One late sympathy vote nearly spared him… but not enough.
Congratulations, Oliver. Your trophy is imaginary but your shame is eternal. 😈
📌 Final Thoughts
Jumaira is a strong curry house with:
- Excellent presentation
- Great service
- Outstanding value
But it’s held back by:
- Poor parking
- Questionable accessibility
- A vindaloo that forgot what it was meant to be
Would we go again? Yes.
Would we order hotter next time? Absolutely.
Would we park first and walk? Sadly… also yes.
Another solid Curry Club night in the books 🍛🔥
Curry Club Review #7 ends with a very respectable 7.78.
