Right. Curry Club Round 8. Khyber. Epworth. South Yorkshire.
And this one… this one was dangerously close to perfection.
This was our 8th official Curry Club visit in the UK, and our biggest turnout yet — nine of us around the table. That alone tells you something. When nine grown men coordinate diaries for a curry, you know it matters.
The Venue – First Impressions
Khyber absolutely nails presentation.
From the staircase with the bold red banisters and chandelier lighting, to the polished wooden bar, to the framed art and clean, crisp walls — it feels smart without feeling stiff. It’s got that “proper curry house” atmosphere but upgraded.
Even the toilets — and you all know this matters — were immaculate.
Clean. Conveniently located. Easy to access. No awkward maze. No weird layout. Just solid, well-maintained facilities. Respect.
Parking? Public car park over the road. About a one-minute walk. Completely reasonable. No stress.
The Food – Absurd Value for Money
Let’s talk about what Khyber did exceptionally well.
Value for Money was off the charts.
Across nine scorers, the Value for Money category averaged a monstrous 9.08 — the highest category of the night.
Oliver handed out a perfect 10.
Luke gave it 9.5.
Curt went 9.7.
Multiple 9+ scores across the board.
Food was hot enough, flavourful enough, generous enough — and ridiculously affordable. This is the sort of place where you finish your meal and look at the bill thinking, “Surely that’s wrong?”
Menu Choice also performed strongly with a group average of 8.78, and Taste landed at 8.22. Solid, dependable, properly enjoyable curry house numbers.
If this place had nailed everything else? We’d be flirting with the top of the Curry Club leaderboard.
Where It Slipped Slightly
We’re fair. We’re precise. We don’t inflate.
Service averaged 6.9 — and that’s where the slight cracks appeared.
There was visible hesitation when dishes were being handed out. Some plate inspection. Some quiet “is this yours?” moments. With nine of us ordering chaos-level combinations, that’s not the easiest job — but it was noticeable, and we noticed!
Luke’s main was also forgotten, although it was corrected in under 4 minutes and so was obviously just left in the kitchen, even this affects the scores.
The bill also took longer than ideal to arrive.
Drinks averaged 7.58 — not bad, but not special. Damon and Luke both landed in the mid-to-high 7s. Curt dragged it down with a brutal 5. We see you, Curt.
None of this was disastrous. Just the difference between excellent and legendary.
Individual Scores – Khyber (Epworth)
Here’s exactly how the table judged Khyber on the night:
Jack
Menu: 9.1
Service: 7.4
Taste: 8.2
Drinks: 8.0
Value: 9.1
Average: 8.36
Louis
Menu: 9.8
Service: 8.0
Taste: 8.3
Drinks: 7.8
Value: 8.8
Average: 8.54
Luke
Menu: 8.5
Service: 6.5
Taste: 9.0
Drinks: 7.6
Value: 9.5
Average: 8.22
Oliver (“Fingers”)
Menu: 9.0
Service: 8.0
Taste: 8.0
Drinks: 8.0
Value: 10.0
Average: 8.60
Mini
Menu: 8.5
Service: 7.0
Taste: 8.5
Drinks: 7.5
Value: 9.0
Average: 8.10
Clay
Menu: 8.0
Service: 7.0
Taste: 7.0
Drinks: 7.5
Value: 9.5
Average: 7.80
Curt
Menu: 9.0
Service: 7.0
Taste: 8.0
Drinks: 8.0
Value: 9.0
Average: 8.20
Damon
Menu: 9.0
Service: 5.5
Taste: 9.0
Drinks: 5.0
Value: 9.7
Average: 7.64
Hamish
Menu: 8.2
Service: 4.8
Taste: 7.0
Drinks: 7.8
Value: 8.7
Average: 7.3
Total Combined Group Score: 8.08
Khyber lands firmly in upper-tier Curry Club territory. Not the outright champion — but comfortably among the elite.
And interestingly… the harshest service scores (Damon 5.5, Hamish 4.8) clearly dragged the overall down. Democracy has consequences.
Currier of the Month 👑
This month… we have a tie.
Louis and Clay.
Three votes each.
A genuine split decision.
So close we ended up making a poster for it.
Clay earned his share properly. Polite, composed, well-spoken, strong presence on the night. No chaos. No controversy. Just solid Currier behaviour. Clinical performance.
But Louis?
Louis attended Curry Club the night before his baby boy was born.
Not “a few days before.”
Not “I’ll pop in quickly.”
The literal night before becoming a father.
That is next-level commitment.
And the following day, a Curry Club heir entered the world.
So while the votes were tied — and rightly so — Louis gets a special mention. History was made that weekend.
Huge congratulations to Louis and his family. A future Currier of the Month already in development.
Clay shares the crown.
Louis shares the crown.
Curry Club royalty all round.
Curry C*** of the Month 🍛💀
Now.
Damon.
Five votes.
A landslide.
The evidence was damning. Speeches in dead silence. Aggressive tiger commentary. Questionable timing. A performance described as “very Damon.”
The disrespect was swift. The voting was brutal. Democracy worked efficiently.
But let’s be honest — Curry Club needs chaos energy. Without Damon, we’d just be nine polite men eating quietly. That’s not culture. That’s a retirement home.
So while the title was awarded, it was awarded with love… and mockery.
Final Verdict
Khyber is an outstanding value powerhouse.
Presentation? Strong.
Food? Strong.
Value? Exceptional.
Service? Slightly hesitant.
Drinks? Decent, not dazzling.
With nine attendees and a newborn arriving hours later, this will go down as one of the most memorable Curry Club nights yet.
Khyber earns its 8.08 honestly — and very nearly threatened the summit.
Curry Club rolls on.
